Tatay

Indeed, nothing is permanent in this world.

Just last night, I know that deep inside my heart I am aching. I am grieving for the death of tatay. I called him tatay because that’s how he is to my father. Though tatay is not the father of my dad, he is the one who acts to be his father since the death of his brother, my father’s real dad, when my dad is still a teenager.

So, who is tatay to me? He is the best lolo I ever had. I can’t describe how a loving lolo or tatay he is to me and to my brother. Though I am now in mid-twentys, I can still remember my childhood memories with him. In my younger years, we are living in a place where tatay is very near with us. I guessed most of my time is spent in their house when I was a child since my mom and dad have to go to their work. I also remember how tatay defended me in front of my drunked tito when my tito is about to hit me when I was a kid. I was afraid with my tito back then and I am so glad that tatay is there for me. Also, I won’t forget the time when a “pabo” try to run to me  in their house when I was little and he would just tell the story again and again to me. Those are just some of my childhood memories with tatay.

Even we’ve transferred to our new house in marbel when I was six years old, I would still take all the chances given to me to stay in tatay’s house in our barrio. I and my brother would still sleep in their house. There are so many times that we’ve slept together with nanay and tatay. There was even a time where they are renovating their house and my brother and I would sleep in their house that my brother cried and cried because there is no electric fan there at night. Tatay would go to marbel to convey my brother even at the midst of the night. That’s how my tatay loves us.

Tatay and Nanay during Tatay's 70th birthday

During my teenage years, we would go every Sunday in barrio to visit them. Their entire family never forget to invite us during special occassions. We would even spend our christmas with them and not in the house of my lola, the mother of my father nor with my other titos and titas, the sibings of my father. Just last Christmas, I took all of my chance to make tatay happy, I gave him a small amount of money as a gift to him. I remember calling him when we are about to go home and I am already at the car, I just give him the money and he was very glad with it. Just this february during his birthday, I never hesitate to give tatay a cake. No one asked me to do this but I just feel giving him that. At that moment after singing happy birthday to him, I asked nanay and tatay if I could take a picture of them together and gladly they did. I am so amazed how they grow old together that It made me wish that I would be growing old with the person I love and who loves me someday. This is how I love tatay very much.

When I was in college, I remember that there was a time that I’m thinking about death and thought about apong and tatay. I said to myself that when tatay died and I can’t go home, it would be very sad on my part that I would cry and cry and cry. Now that I am here in Marbel and I’ve watched how he died last night, I am in grieved that I don’t know how to describe what I feel. It was a night of sorrow and despair that somehow I cannot contain everything that happened. Tatay has his faith that he would be healed. He doesn’t want to die yet. I can attest to it when we brought him to a known faith healer in acurong. My brother, nanay, tatay, uncle and another lolo accompany tatay to tacurong. After the said healing, I can’t forget how tatay would tell the story about what happened to him. He even talked to me about it and in order to encourage him more, I respond positively with it. He really believed that he would be healed. Sadly, a month after the said healing, he was hospitalized again. This time, he got worst.

My mom have given him an herbal medicine last Saturday during the birthday of his grandson, my cousin. I even asked my mom how much the said medicine thinking that I can give one to him. Unfortunately, just last Sunday night, tatay became weak. They called us that to get a priest for his confession and so we went there. After the confession from the priest, I never hesitate to touch tatay and whisper a prayer of healing for him. I prayed, and prayed and prayed with faith for his recovery. I even kiss him in his forehead, I want him to feel that I love him even in those little ways. When we went back last monday night, tatay’s body is giving up when mommy else, my favorite aunt, said that he can’t talk anymore. But still, I keep my hopes, having faith that he would still recover. My brother even brought a faith healer last Wednesday afternoon, just having faith that he could still be healed.

But just last night, April 23, 2013, around 8:00 pm, I called mommy else and asked the condition of tatay. She seems to have a happy voice that night so I thought everything is well with tatay. But when she rushly said goodbye and almost everyone in tatay’s house is crying, she turns off the call. I then received a text from my brother that tatay’s condition has been worsen. I, Jr, and my little sister rushed to the barrio. As we arrived there, there was just silence. My cousin debbie told me to enter the house and go to tatay. Tatay is still there but barely breathing. Almost everyone is crying, talking to him. And just around 9:30pm, Tatay closed his eyes as nanay, his children, niece and nephews, his grandchildren including myself, bid him farewell. That night is filled with mourning, and everyone shed a tear for him. I cried, and cried and cried. I love Tatay for he is the best tatay in this world.

I know that I’m still mourning today. My heart is still in pain everytime I’m alone and I remember. But I never forget that this thing is a will from a Sovereign God who knows the best for us. I know, that as time passes by, I can fully accept what happened as what Nanay told Tatay during his last breathe, “Tay, ara kami dri tanan, hindi ka magkabalaka kay ara kami diri tanan, batunon ta kung ano ang ihatag sa aton sang Ginoo.” In english, this means that we are all here, don’t worry because we are just here, let’s accept what God would give us. Yes, Nanay is right, we have to accept what God has given us. God has given tatay 70 years of life here on earth, a life that is filled with love, peace and joy. I know that tatay is at peace right now, no more pains for him as he is with the Lord.

And at this moment, I am reminded again that we have our own limitations, we are just mortals and earth is only temporary. Indeed, nothing is permanent in this world. One day, we will all die. Some might go soon, others will follow but all of us will die and leave earth. And when my time comes, I just hope that I am ready to leave and be willing to join the Lord.