This post makes sense after all

When I am absolutely lonely, it is so easy to construct a sentence. But when I am so happy, no words can explain how I feel.

Today, I am not lonely nor happy but here I am writing something in this blog. Right now, I am at my office, staring in my laptop and do not know how to start my work. It seems my mind blocks everything that is about my job. So I decided to take a look at this blog, clicked the post button and decided to type a word. And now I am stuck as I start typing a word, a phrase, a sentence and now I am having two paragraphs.

I do not know if this makes sense. But I just need and I just want to pour out my thoughts here. I am sleepy right now; Since the death of tatay, I find it hard to sleep. Tatay's death brings tear in my eyes and ache in my heart but it is not the reason why I don't want to sleep during night. My body find it hard to sleep early because somehow reality seems better than my dreams. I had a family who loves me, a boyfriend who completely head over heels in love with me, a job that gives me self fulfillment and of course a God who never leaves nor forsake me. So what can I ask for? 

Full moon

I don't know what are things I still want. All I know is that I find myself resltless these days. Maybe I want to contemplate. I want to be alone and talk to God. I want to be with Him for I know in Him I could rest. All I want is to give Him everything of me. I want Him to pour out in me what is not needed and pour in me what I need. I want Him to empty me and fill me up with His Spirit. I want to bring the fire He brought me almost 8 years ago. I want Him here today with me. After all, all I need is Him in my life.

Again, this post had given me answer on what I really need today. Indeed, this post makes sense after all.

Looking Back

I've scanned through my facebook page earlier and I've found so many discoveries and seen things I've never seen before. Looking back at each picture and at each post; I know that I have understand things differently right now. My understanding shifts as I look at a different perspective of my life.

When I was in the moment of despair and grief, I can only see the mountains that I will climb. But when I am so happy, I can only see the blue skies, the flowers, and all the beauties of the earth. But when I look back, I have seen everything including the mountains I've climbed and the valleys I've traversed. It made me wonder if I am who I am today if I missed one mountain in my life. Then I know that things will be different in my life  if I have missed a mountain or a valley.

Looking back, I've seen everything and it made me understand that life is working this way. Whatever happened, the past has made me who I am today. I have to be reminded everyday that I have traversed a difficult path or walked through the valley of happiness in order for me to move on and live my life.

So, if someone would asked me if I would have a chance to remove an ugly thing in my past, would I grab it? My answer would be "No" because everything that happened has a reason, it has never been an accident. For without it, I won't be who I am today.

What I learned in life is by Paulo Coelho

What I learned in life is,

That no matter how good a person is,
sometimes they can hurt you & because of this we must forgive.

It takes years to build trust and only seconds to destroy it ..
We don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change..

The circumstances and the environment influence on our lives,
but we are the one who responsible for ourselves..

That you have to control your acts or they will control you..

That patience requires much practice.. that there are people who love us,
but simply don’t know how to show it..

That sometimes the person you think will hurt you and make you fall..
Is instead one of the few who will help you to get up..

You should never tell a child that dreams are fake, it would be a tragedy if they knew..

It’s not always enough to be forgiven by someone,
in most cases you have to forgive yourself first..

That no matter in how many pieces your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop to fix it ..

May be God wants us to meet all the wrong people first before meeting the right one..
So when we finally meet the right one we are grateful for that gift ..

When the door of happiness closes, another door opens..
but often we look so long at the closed one.. we don’t see what was open for us ..

The best kind of a friend is the kind in which you can sit on a porch and walk…
Without saying a word & when you leave it feels it was the best conversation you ever had.

It’s true we don’t know what we have until we find it, but its also true,
we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives..

It only takes a minute to offend someone, an hour to like someone,
a day to love someone, but it takes a life time to forget someone.

Don’t look for appearances, they can be deceiving, don’t go for wealth even that can fade,
Find someone who makes you smile, because it only takes a smile to make a day better,
find what makes your heart smile..

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much..
that you wish you can take them out of your dream and hug them for real..

Dream what you want, go wherever you want to go.. because you have only one life..
and one change to do the things you want to do ..

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything,
they just make the best of everything that comes their way.

The best future is based on the forgotten past..

You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.