Tuesday, November 25, 2014

FOR MY BENEFIT

While I'm having my quiet time tonight, God literally spoke to me. 

Before starting my devotions, I am wondering why God allowed all of the things happening in my work right now. I am asking Him that why is it of all the people, it happened to be me. I thought I failed being the best for Him in eveey area of my life. Until I have my devotions tonight for He literally answers my question through this verse:

2 Corinthians 4:15 NIV
[15] All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.


I read the verse again and again. He is telling me that all of this is FOR MY BENEFIT. My reaction is just: Wow! Isn't it amazing that the Lord answer my cry immediately? All of this is for my own benefit, for my own consumption, for my own profit. This is MY BENEFIT.  And so I wonder how could it be my advantage? Well, the answer is simple. Because in this situation, God is using me so that His power will be seen to all, so that people around me will be amazed of His work in my life, so that He alone will be praised. Yes, the reason for this is for GOD to be glorified, for HIM to increase and increase in my life.

Again, being a Christian doesn't mean we live a perfect life but being a Christian means exhibiting the miracle of His grace in our ordinary lives. 

Tonight, I just want to praise God! Let Him increase more in this life. May He will continue to use me for His greater glory. Yes, I want this because I know that I am saving a treasure in Heaven as I glorify God in my life.

I will end this by reminding us with what Paul has written in Corinthians:

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 NIV
[8] We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; [9] persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Glory to God forever!

Monday, November 10, 2014

Renewing My Vow

10 years ago while I am in my bed at room 231 at Kalayaan dorm in UP, I made a vow; I commited myself to the Lord. I asked Him to be my Lord and Savior and that is the best decision I have ever made in this life. For my life has totally transformed since that night.

And so tonight, I celebrate my 10th spiritual birthday. For 10 years, I've walked in the valleys and mountains with the Lord. He never failed to keep His promises and His word. He is always there to guide me with His staff and rod when necessary. Despite my failures, my fears, my mistakes and my weaknesses, His sustaining grace is always there making Him more and more bigger in this life. I've seen His miracle works that all I want is to praise Him more each day.

So tonight, I renew ny vow again, my commitment with the Lord. I commit my life to Him, I pray that He will use me so that He will be glorified. I give my all to Him, every area of my life I give it to Him. 

And so my cry will always be: Here I am Lord, use me for Your greater glory. Because my purpose here on earth is to honor Him and bring glory to His name. May my life be a living testimony of Jesus Christ. 

Thank you Lord for everything. I give my all again and again to You Lord. Praise be to You forever!!!! 

Saturday, September 20, 2014

On Being Crafty Me: How to Make a Western Indian Costume

I don't know how to sew a dress, I didn't even took a class on dress making, but I managed to make one using the help of youtube. After watching entries on how to make a dress, I decided to make my own Western Indian Costume. But before making, I need to have a design before starting everything. I searched through the internet on what design should I will be doing. Once I am decided of the design, I bought the materials and begin to be crafty.


Buying the Materials: 
I went to the store and buy the materials I needed. I bought the following:
1. Needle
2. 2 meter fabric (light brown) for the dress, and 1/2 meter fabric (dark brown) for the tassels
3. Candle Glue and feathers for the head dress
4. Some accessories such as lace that will be placed in my dress and garter for my hand and feet accessories
5. Pins

Our sewing machine is under repair and so I needed to sew it only using my own bare hands. So, 2 week before the event, I started doing my own western indian costume.  After buying the materials, I need a pattern for my dress. 

Pattern of the Dress:
I do not know how to make a pattern, so I used my old dress and use it as pattern. Using my old dress as a pattern, I fold it in half lengthwise so that it will be identical in both sides. Then, I draw the lines in the fabric using a pencil on where should I cut it. I add an extra of 2 inches in the edge of the fabric as a mark on where should I cut it.

Cutting the Fabric:
I cut the fabric based on the lines I've drawn.

Sewing the Fabric:
After cutting, I begin to sew the fabric using my own bare hands. This will take a long process since I am just using my hands. I turned the fabric inside out and fold at least 1 inch over on either side, and pin it so that I can follow the pins while sewing it. I begin sewing at the sides of my dress. When I am finished, I tried to wear so that I will know if it fits me. Unfortunately on my first try, It doesn't fit. So, I remove the sewn part and resew it again, this time I fold at least 1/2 inch over on either side. Once it fits me, I sew the neckline and the bottom of the dress. 


Cutting Tassels
Since it is an indian costume, I begin to cut tassels using my dark brown fabric. Cutting it easy since all I need to do is, cut the desired length of the tassel. I did not even use a tape measure on it. I cut atleast 2.5 inches of the fabric and begin to make cut it again vertically into smaller width so that it will begin to look like a tassel. I begin to make many of them for my accessories and for my dress.

Add Tassels in the Dress
Since I already have a simple dress and tassels, I begin to add tassels at the neckline and at the bottom of the dress. 

Add Laces in the Dress
After I've sewn all the tassels, I begin to add laces at the top of the tassels so that my not really good sewing will be covered by the laces. I also put laces at the sides of my dress where I sewed it. And so, my dress is now ready to wear.

Making a Head Dress
To make a head dress, I use the lace I made in the dress for uniformity. I measure the lace in my head, sew it so that it will now form a circle. Then using my candle glue, I stick the feathers at the back.

Making Accessories
I use the extra tassels, laces and garter in making accessories. I measure my hand and feet using the garter. I sew extra fabric and tassels in the garter. Then, I sew the lace so that it will look good and match my dress.

Finished Western Indian Costume
And finally, I had a finished western Indian costume. I had my dress rehearsal on the costume I had made that day.

On the Day of the Event
Since I made the dress a week before the event, I tried to make a little revisions of it. And so, on the day of the event, I looked like this:



Best Dressed Competition - Female Category (3rd place)
Since I am proud in making my own costume, I joined the Best Dressed Competition on Female Category and surprisingly, I got the third place for it. I had fun doing my dress and I am so much thankful to expose the little crafty side of me once in a while. To God be the Glory! 

ISD Family wearing all a western indian costume






Friday, September 19, 2014

Getting Out of My Melancholic Self

I am not a typical person who initiates friendship to a person. Well, maybe because I am a melancholic type of a person which means I am a perfect introvert. I am not saying that I do not like the company of friends or even strangers, but somehow there are moments in my life that I crave to be alone in order to recharge.

However, yesterday I tried to get out of my shell and somehow initiated a conversation to a seatmate during seminar. I got to know her name, her address, her age and other stuffs she likes. During lunch time, while I am wandering around the area at The Farm, Carpenter Hill, I saw her wandering alone. Knowing the fact that it is her first time in the place, I tried to tour her of the place since I am familiar. I volunteer to took a picture of her in different views of the place.

I only had a few conversation with her, but still I am happy that somehow, I took a chance to get myself out of box once in a while. I know that this is not my usual self, but I am happy because once in a while I am getting out of my melancholic self.

Here is the picture of the person I tried to have a little conversation with. And her name is Aileen.



Thursday, September 18, 2014

OOTD

Someone told me yesterday that my dress is for an ootd. Despite of my enthusiast in social networks, I still do know what an ootd means. So, I searched it in the net and got to know its meaning which is "Outfit of the Day".

However, despite of my beautiful dress yesterday, I wasn't able to manage to get myself a picture with my dress. But since I am on a seminar today, I tried to wear a simple blouse and skirt. I know that this is not the best dress that I can wear, but I just feel getting myself a solo picture of myself and considered it as my first post under ootd. It is not really an attention seeker dress but atleast I feel beautiful wearing it. 




Wednesday, September 17, 2014

HIS FREEDOM VS MY FREEDOM

When your mourning turns into dancing, you will just be so much glad and happy about everything. It’s true that I wrote about my heart breaking into pieces a few days ago but it is also true that I am now claiming that my heart is complete again.

It is just so amazing how one person can break and shatter your heart in just a moment and how that same person can make your heart complete, without bruise and back to normal again. 

What happened between the two of us is completely misunderstanding. And when it happens, some people tried to fight while some just let go easily. I am glad that despite the pain, I tried to do my best to fight and hold on which he also did the same. I know that for some days, he tried to ignore me but he did it not because he doesn’t want me anymore, but because he loves me so much that he wanted me to feel the freedom that he thinks I must have. However, the freedom he is giving me where he is not part of it is not freedom for me at all, for life sucks without him in my life.

And now that he is taking that freedom away from me, my real freedom comes in. And that freedom means a life together with the person who loves me and the person whom I love, that freedom means a life with him.

And since I got my freedom, my mourning has really turns into dancing. I thank God because He has been the center of this relationship and of this freedom.



Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Holding on or Moving Forward

I am not sure what happened or how it happened. I just spilled it out. And with all honesty, I told you my feelings. I am sorry if it hurts you but I cannot hide the fact that I am scared if I cannot meet your expectations. I told you those things because I want you to understand me if there are times I fail you, and not scold me as if I’ve done a great evil in this life.

I did not tell it to you so that we cannot be together anymore, I told it to you because I want us to be better together. But it seems that you missed my point, because right now, you’re not talking to me anymore. Sometimes, I regret myself of telling it to you but I know that deep inside my heart, I need to tell it to you.

And now, I am pleading. I keep on begging you to answer me and talk to me and you also keep on ignoring me. Every time you ignored me, I feel that a bomb has been exploded right before my heart. And my heart is torn into pieces to the point that I am not sure how to mend it alone.

But I guess this is the point of time where I need to decide whether to hold on and to move forward. Since after everything I’ve done, I keep on failing to have you back. So, I guess this is the moment that I need to move forward on my own and at least save the remaining parts of my heart that is not yet broken. This way, I will be able to love you again if the destiny will allow us. But just remember that I choose this not because I want to but because you do not give me chance to choose the other way, which is to hold on to you anymore.  

Maybe you will never ever read this but I want to tell you that I tried my best so that we can be better together. I want to thank you for everything you’ve done, for giving me the best relationship that I could ever have. Thank you for loving me and for being the best man that I can have in this life.

Just always remember that when we were together, I am the happiest woman in this world.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Sunsets, Fire dances, Fireworks and a Wedding


I've been in a two day trip at Samal, Davao City last weekend. I was invited to attend the wedding of my high school friend and classmate, Greggy. I went there with my other classmates, Jeffrey, Meriel, Floribeth and Ronnel and his family.

Although the venue is far away, I still decided to go because as far as I know, they have a great love story. Greg and Joh are both Christians and I wanted to witness their journey to a new season, the season of marriage life. 

The wedding started exactly 4:00 in the afternoon, their motif is turqoise and peach. I decided to wear my turqoise colored dress. Greg and his parents walked in the aisle first, I remembered Greg told his parents that we are his classmates back in high school while we greeted him Congratulations as he walked in the aisle. I saw his excitement and joy as he walks towards ever after with her bride, Joh. When Joh is walking towards Greg, Greg cried. His cry is for me an unexplained joy, that everyone who witness can attest.

The ceremony started with a prayer and followed by exchanging of vows. I will describe their vow as God-centered vows. I am so amazed with it, that somehow deep inside my heart, I want the same vow with them when I get married. Like them, I want God to orchestrate my love story and let God be center of my relationship. 

As the wedding goes by, there is a beautiful sunset. I saw from the distance that Joh is smiling towards it and telling Greg of the beautiful sunset. Almost every one of us took a picture of it.


At the end of the wedding, when the Pastor declared them as husband and wife, everyone applauded. Pictures are then taken with the bride and groom.

After the wedding, we were directed to go near the beach for lighting the lanterns. Of course, since there are 200 lanterns to be lighted, I got one. Unfortunately, I fail to let my lantern fly. i guess, some kids got it and tried to fly it, but they failed to do so.



After the lantern, we are requested to stay put for a fire dance. Again, I am in awe because Greg and Joh made it sure that we will enjoy their wedding. We had our pictures taken together with the couple and the fire dance team. It is indeed the best picture I got for the night.


After fire dance, we went to the entrance of the function hall where cocktails are served, and photo booth is free for everyone. We also took picture of ourselves and tried to eat at the cocktail.


While waiting for the function hall to be ready, we went to our room and refreshed ourselves for the evening dinner. Then, we went back to the function hall and went to our seats and witness the program. The secondary sponsor had their dance intermission number and after a while, Greg and Joh entered the hall and had their first dance.

After that, we had our dinner. We also had our vodka drinks as they prepared each of us during the wine toast. I think I drank 4 shots of it and tried to enjoy the night.


After dinner and the program that night, we went out to witness the fireworks. It was great and it was a lovely evening as I witness how happy the couple is during the day. I am so much thankful to witness their wedding. 


I pray that the couple will continue to let God the center of their lives for blessings and more blessings will come to them. Cheers and Best Wishes to the newly wed! As I am writing this, they are now enjoying their honeymoon at Singapore. May God bless them with cute and adorable children. 








Bringing back my life

Today is my brother's birthday! I woke up early to post something for him in the Facebook. But beside it, I checked on my email and all of my other accounts, checking and hoping that he would get in touch of me. But I find nothing.

So there, I started my day with a hopeless romantic feelings. But then again, I prayed while listening to a song, "Still". And there, I begin to ask God for help again, to help me conquer this day despite of what is happening. I ask Him to be the source of my joy, my peace, my happiness, my love and my life. I ask Him to help me to be still and find calmness and quietness in His arms in this moment of time.

As I went to office this morning, I have said to myself that I will call my brother. And so, I called him this morning. I am happy to hear his happy and merry voice as I called. I greeted him with a very happy birthday. And at that very moment when I said that I love him, my heart skip a beat for a while and I realized that I still have a reason to live.

My family is still here. And I have to repeat it again and again with myself, they are still here with me and I can still live. I will stay, they will be one of the reasons why I need to bring back my life. I have to live and love them with all that I have. Because in the first place, I do not choose to be with them, but God chooses them to be my family. And so I have to treasure them with all I have and with all I can.

And so there, in  a short while, God answers me. He told me to bring it on in this lifetime for there are still more reasons to live. Praise be to God forever!


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Barely breathing. Barely living.

I do not have a happy heart right now. Maybe I can manage a fake smile to the people around me, but I cannot deny myself the fact that my heart is definitely not happy. And I can only think of one factor why I cannot put a real smile on my face.

Getting up in the morning is so hard for me, I am no longer motivated to go to work. Maybe because I do not have any reason to live anymore. Since the day the person I love most doesn’t contact me and doesn’t seem to care for me, I feel like my entire world is also breaking. I do not care anymore with my work, with the people around me, with my other relationships; for all I wanted is just to die.

Yes, you’ve seen it right, I want to vanish in this earth. I am sorry if I post it here but I just want to be honest with my thoughts and with my feelings. As much as I want to do it, I cannot do it because I know that life must go on, with or without the person I love most.

And so, I cried to God for help, I shout for mercy and for grace so that I can live again. But He still doesn’t give me an answer. He is so quiet that even I search for Him in all the places that I know where He is, it seems He keeps Himself away from me. I know that He is a great God and He will be with me until the end of the days. But I want to hear from Him, I want to know what I should do.


Because what make me sad and lonely right now is not the fact that he doesn’t care for me anymore. But the fact that since the day he decided to not care for me, I do not longer live my life to its fullest, I am barely breathing and barely living and so it means that I am dying. And all I want is for God to help me to give back my life and find its meaning despite everything that happened.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

WAITING

The moon goes dark tonight,
Stars are fading their light.
Dark clouds covering the skies.
Tear drops in my dry eyes.

Pillows, blankets and bed,
To sleep I do not mind,
Waiting and pleading,
Please come back tonight.

Lovely bones are breaking,
Lonely heart is crushing,
Lighting, thunders and rain,
Am I waiting in vain?

Alone in this cold night,
You are what I desire,
Tonight, I beg again,
Come back or I will die.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Four and Tris!!!

Just finished the Divergent Series by Veronica Roth. And my thoughts is full of their story. 


Their community is different from ours, they are divided into five groups called factions. When you reach the age of 16, you need to choose your faction. Either you choose the one where your family is or choose other faction where you can start a new life, a new you. After choosing, it is already faction before blood.There are five factions in the series: Abnegation where their character focuses on being selfless, the Candor where they value honesty, the Amity where they value kindness, the Erudite where knowledge is power and the Dauntless where brave people go.

The story focuses on Tris and Four who is both from Abnegation and transferred to Dauntless for some reason. Four transferred in Dauntless first and ranked first in his class. Tris transferred two years after Four transferred to Dauntless. While Tris is initiate in Dauntless, Four became her instructor. Tris started as a weak initiate but because of persistence and courage, she started to move up in her class. Four noticed Tris along the way because of this. Tris is not ugly or pretty as said in the book, but Four likes him because of her courageness. Four discovered that Tris is divergent, a term called for people whose mind or character doesn't fit in any faction and is a threat to the faction system. Since Four knows this, he helped Tris to hide her divergence and that makes her successful in the final test. 

After the initiation, Tris becomes an official dauntless member. But the Dauntless and Erudite created an army of dauntless people by injecting to them an Erudite serum so that they can fight Abnegation Faction. Since Tris is divergent, she was not affected by the faction but she tried to hide it by copying the actions of dauntless. When she found Four, she went beside him and they both held each others hand. That moment, Tris knows that Four is also a divergent. They both fought against Erudite and Dauntless until the end of the book. The story continues to Insurgent and Allegiant. But I wont tell the story of those two books here.

It is just after reading it, I realize:

That we cannot be grouped according to what the society dictates us to be. We are unique human beings, we have our differences no matter how many common values we have. We can never a candor, abnegation, amity, dauntless and erudite alone. We are always divergent.

That there are people around us who is willing to sacrifice for the people they even don't know just to save humanity. 

That forgiveness is also a choice. To forgive, we need to decide. There are also people who are willing to forgive us despite the hurt we have caused them. These people should be treasured for the rest of this life.



That to have fears doesn't mean it is being coward. To hace fears means being human. And we need to face these fears for life to go on.

That we don't need to erase the past for it made us become who we are now. Our memories with the people we love most will always be treasured even if thinking of them sometimes brings back the pain. Because we know that the pain it brings to us is too little compared to the joy they bring to our lives.

That it is not faction before blood as said in the series nor blood before faction as dictates by humanity. It is always love before blood or faction.

That Four and Tris has a great love story. Both of them shows their selfless love to each other. Both of them faces their obstacles with braveness and so much courage. That despite the differences in their personality, they still love each other.

The story does not have its typical ending, you wouldn't expect it. But after reading, you know that no matter what happened, life must move on.  





Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Starting All Over Again

Yes,  the title is right. I need to start all over again. I need to empty myself and end my laxity in my relationship to my Father in heaven. I need to fill myself and start a life that honos and glorify my Father.

For the past three years, I've been a mediocre Christian. I find it hard to go to talk and pray to Him. My prayers are out of obedience and not because I desire to talk to Him. I only have those geniune prayers when a problem comes my way. My quiet time to read my bible is inconsistent, I only do it when I feel to do it. And going to church every sunday is so hard for me, though there are moments that I really desire to worship Him.

But those rare moments are not enough. GOD wants to have all of me and not only a partial of me. He wants my best and not my mediocrity. He desires to have me that He send His only son Jesus Christ in the cross so that I could just have a relationship with Him, and He wants that relationship to be awesome and to be great.

That is why I want to start all over again. My Christian life is full of mediocrity for the past three years and this time, I decided to give my best because He deserves my best. I want it to be perfect despite my imperfections and weaknesses. I know and believe that it will be my best because it is His grace that will sustain me to be the best. He is my God and He is powerful to turn my mediocrity to my best as I decide to start all over again. Whatever he started in me, He will put it into completion and I know that my God is faithful in His promises.

Praise be to God and let Him shine in my life!!!!

Monday, July 14, 2014

I am weak

I feel so lost. Yes, I am. I do not know what to do, I do not know what to say, I do not know what to write here. It seems my life is collapsing into pieces that I do not know how to make it whole again. It seems I need to solve a puzzle of myself.

I am not perfect, I do things that does not honor God and I hate myself for it. The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. This is exactly me right now. I won’t put into details everything that happened to me these past few days. I hate myself for being so weak and I cannot even tell it to anyone.

I am weak and I have to admit it to everybody. I want someone to see it, I want someone to know my weakness. But it seems that no one knows it or I just appear to be strong in front of everyone else when the very core of my being is fragile and is deteriorating.


I know that writing it here will not solve what I am going through. But I hope that expressing my thoughts will help me find a way for me to decipher everything that is happening in my life. Maybe I need time to reflect and ask God to help me deal this situation. Because maybe my weakness comes from my thirst of Him in my life which I think is my problem. And all I need is to pray and be filled by Him so that I can be okay and be whole again. I hope that when the time comes that I am going to post again, I am no longer lost and broken into pieces, rather I am in His dwelling place and whole again.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

My Bucket List

I don't have a lot of bucket list in this world but I only have this six bucket list that I want to do. So here it goes.

1.Travel around the world - This has been my dream since I am young; to see the world and enjoy and plunge into the beauty of God's creation. In fact, I tried to get a "tourism" course so that I can travel but I am happy that I did not get it since I am now a happy Industrial Engineer. Though I did not end up as a "tourism" graduate, I believe that anyone can travel regardless of their course as long as they make it as their goal. I end up travelling the Philippines when I am still in my teenage years. I went to Pangasinan, Iloilo, Boracay, Baguio, Sagada, Tagaytay, Quezon, Laguna, Cebu, Cagayan de Oro, Davao, Palawan, and Surigao. And I am still planning to go to Bohol, Ilocos, and Camiguin. My first trip out of the country last 2013 in Thailand is awesome. I still want to go to other countries if my finances warrants me to do such as South Korea, Japan, Singapore, and explore Europe. I hope I will have my chance on this.  

2. Maintain a blog - I know that this is already checked in my bucket list but I am not a writer so I also find it hard to write entries here. So, maintaining this blog is a challenge to me.

3. Write a book - I want to start this while I am young and where my mind is full of ideas and full of creativity. I hope I can write one, even I am the only person who will read it as of the moment. Because I am sure, that someday my book will be read by someone from the future when he/she stumbles upon it. 

4. Marry the person I love and loves me - I am a woman, whose heart wants to be captivated. I want love and romance and I would like to marry the person I love and also loves me.

5. Build an awesome family - If one of my bucket list is to marry, then it is also my dream to build an awesome family. A family where I could be a wife and a mother to my children. We will do things together and live an awesome life where God will be the center of it.

6. Live a meaningful life that honors God - I want to live a life where people remember me as the one who honors God. It maybe hard for it is challenging, knowing the fact that people knows me for having a hard heart. But I know and I believe that it is the grace of God that I can live a life that is meaningful and wonderful.

I know that I can only do these things with the grace of God. I believe that He will let me have all of this in this life time. 




A CRY FOR A PRAYER

It’s been three years since I went back in the province. Cities, tall buildings, train stations, jeepneys, long walks, and crowded place are now unfamiliar to me. In just a short span of time, many things change including myself.

When I am living in the metropolitan area, I am sure of who I am. I know that I am a child of God and I know that I am obeying Him. But now that I live here in the province where everything seems to be comfortable; my ride from our home to office is hassle free, the place I live has all the facilities and amenities that I need, I can spend my free hours with my loved ones and I think I have a career ahead of me, but I became spiritually stagnant. Sad to say but the truth is I am spiritually unhealthy.

I know that I have my own choice to change everything, I have to turn back to Him not because I am obliged to but because I desire to. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. I need a church here in the province where I can grow spiritually and be full of Him that all I want in this life is to share Him to other people. I need the fire of others so that I won’t be losing my own. But it’s hard to find it here, I just wish that my church from the metropolitan area shall plant a church here so that I can join.

I am not proud of this that I post it here, but I guess I need your help to pray for me that I will be burningly hot again in praising and worshiping His name. I know that I can start it on my own, I can start reading again His word consistently every day for I am trying to do it for several times already, but after a few times, I begin to wander in the opposite direction and lost it again. That is why I need you to pray for me, I need you to stop the enemy from stopping me to do it, I need your prayers.


Today, while writing this, I am hungry of Him and thirsty of Him. I pray that He will lead me to the right path, and guide me. I still believe that whatever He started in me, He shall put it in completion. I know that I am a work in progress but I also to know that I am responsible to respond on the things He is showing me. And I am decided that my respond will always be Yes to Him.  I just pray that He will give me strength to say No to the enemy and give me all the resources I need to be consistent in this walk with Him. I know that He can and He will. Again, please pray for me.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Peeps

When I will be going at the office on monday, you will no longer be there to greet me good morning maam shean. Not just on monday, not just for weeks, but for the rest of this life, you will never again sit at your table.

The news is sudden that I cannot contain it until now. I am not sure what to say but i want to express my grief through writing. I feel a terrible loss of your sudden death not because I loss a staff but because I loss a friend. Because before everything else, we're good friends. 

Ofcourse we've known each other for a long time, we're playmates before when we were still young. I will always remember the day we're playing santan flowers at the old hq during the family day of socoteco. We were still kids back then. But only when we are working in socoteco that we've officially became friends. We've talked, we've laughed, we've cried, we've argued, and we've laughed again. 

Then, we became a team. We talked about the problems in HR, the solutions, and the things we wish to have for a better service. And one of our goals is to finish our safety manual this year. We've already finished our first draft, we only need to polished it with our safety team. But you will no longer be there to see it, to feel it and I am very sad with it. 

Peeps/Papo, I want to hate you during the times you're saying that you will no longer reach the age of 50. I hope i did not allow you to speak it always because things might change if i have told you not to say it. But I cannot hate you for it. Peeps, I pray that your soul be in rest with the Father. 

We will surely miss you Peeps!!! 

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Tonight I remember

Tonight before I sleep I think of you, Tomorrow as I wake up I will still be thinking of you. You seem to keep running in my mind. You are thousand miles away from me but you made my heart skip a bit everytime I remember you. You made a special connection between my mind and heart that no one can ever replace. I am very much happy and glad and grateful and in awesomeness because God allowed you to be the most special person in my life.

Tonight, I remember the first day I saw you at the airport. I remember the second time I saw you at the coop canteen where my mind is hoping that you could remember me. I remember your first words at the gym telling me to smile and how my heart shouted in joy because you talked to me. I remember the time you added me as your facebook friend. I remember how you got my number and you treated me with pakwan and durian. I remember how you send good nights and good mornings without me replying it, thinking that it is a group text. I remember our first text conversation when I asked help from you on how to teach at the university. I remember the first night we went out together to buy ice cream in a cold rainy night and eat it at our terrace where our real conversation took place. It was the first time we tell stories of ourselves, or maybe more of yourself and I know that time that we clicked and that was the time that series of dates came between us. I remember the day I told you that we stop dating because I think you are just playing around my feelings that eventually I realized that I cannot just let you go because of that assumption and that is why I tried to win you back again. I thank God that I fight for you at that time. I remember our first prayer together that seems an angel came and whispered that it is you whom God sent for me. I remember how much you love me back then and how much it becomes stronger throughout time and through the distance. 

I might be a forgetful person but I never forget those beautiful memories that we have for it is not kept in my mind but it is kept in my heart. Those memories are not hidden in mind that I can forget so easily, for those memories are hidden in my heart and is cherished forever. 

Tonight, I remember you holding my hand saying that you love  me and that a promise has been made between us that it will be us forever. Tonight, I thought of you and remember how beautiful it is to love you with all that I have. 

As we grow old, I dont want to forget the spark and magic of being in love with you. I write this at my blog so that when the time comes I might forget, when I grow old,  I will ask our grandchildren to read this entry so that I can still go back to how beautiful it is to be in love with you. My mind might get old and might forget but my heart will always remember. 


So tonight I pray that every night, I will always remember you and your love for me. Thank you for the love and for everything. I will always love you.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Becoming Closer to God

This holy week, I am tasked to give atleast a five minute talk to give some spiritual tips for my co employees. I search in the internet and I found series of things on how to become closer to God. I already made my powerpoint presentation on it. Until this day, I got to open and read my regular e-newsletter from Derek Prince.

The letter is all about the thing Jesus did on the cross to save us, to save me even if I am the only person left. Jesus endured the cross and he patiently take everything because it sets before him the joy once he overcome. And that joy is me and you, the joy of spending eternity with us. 

The message is clear that the first thing that we can become closer to Him is not simply reading the bible, going to church and do some religious stuff. I am not saying that it is wrong to do it, but what I am saying is that to become closer to Him, we must open our hearts to that joy, we must open open ourselves to a relationship with Jesus. We must want to have a relationship with Him before we can be close to Him. And this is the best and the most important tip that I can give to my co employees on Monday. Because once they opened their hearts to Jesus, everything will just go into the right place as we continue to pray, read His word and do the things Jesus likes.

To become closer to God, we need to receive Him with all our hearts and mind. 

Monday, March 31, 2014

A Woman After Your Heart

I am a woman with a past
Sinful, unclean and broken
A woman whose heart is void
A woman who longs to be loved

Yet despite my being me
You came and save me
Cleansed and made me pure
Through Your mercy and grace

I am a woman in progress
Rooted in your living word
Guided by your staff and rod
Sealed by Your Holy Spirit

I offer my life to only You
Let my heart break for what break yours
Let my heart rejoice in your joys

Make me a woman after Your heart

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Searching for an answer

Somehow, while writing this blog, I can find an answer. This is a hope for me, my only hope.

It was only months since you've left but for me it seems to be forever. Those days that I am not with you are the long days of my life. Yes, I am missing you and I long for the day that we will meet again. And I know that you feel the same. I believe that our love can last every distance that we have. This is what I am believing for.

But these past few days, it seems that every thing that we have vanished.There are too many questions popping out in my head right now. I want an answer to my question that it is only you who can give. I don't know what exactly happened but it seems that in just a blink of an eye, everything changes, you seemed to ignore me.

I am saddened by the fact that you seem to not care for us anymore. I hate it because I cannot understand what happened to you, to us.

Is there something that I did? If it is, then I am sorry for it. I am sorry if I am not a perfect person or girl for you. I am sorry because I cannot give everything your heart desire. I am sorry for all of my shortcomings in this relationship. I am sorry.

Is there something I can do for us to be okay again? If yes, then tell me? For I will ask the heaven to give me the strength and courage to do it. I do not receive a no for an answer to this question. For I know that there is something that I can do to make everything right again.

I value our relationship that I would cross the mountains and the oceans just for us to be the most loving and sweetest couple here on earth again. I won't give on us. And I hope you'll do the same way too. For no matter what I will do if you'll give up, there is nothing I can do anymore. Always remember that it always takes two to tango. For a relationship can only continue as long as both of us choose to love each other everyday.

Of course, I want you to choose to love me everyday of my life. But if you are not happy with it anymore, just tell me so, I will not be okay for sure, but I will let you go if that's what it takes for you to smile again.

I love you and I will always do.