Starting All Over Again

Yes,  the title is right. I need to start all over again. I need to empty myself and end my laxity in my relationship to my Father in heaven. I need to fill myself and start a life that honos and glorify my Father.

For the past three years, I've been a mediocre Christian. I find it hard to go to talk and pray to Him. My prayers are out of obedience and not because I desire to talk to Him. I only have those geniune prayers when a problem comes my way. My quiet time to read my bible is inconsistent, I only do it when I feel to do it. And going to church every sunday is so hard for me, though there are moments that I really desire to worship Him.

But those rare moments are not enough. GOD wants to have all of me and not only a partial of me. He wants my best and not my mediocrity. He desires to have me that He send His only son Jesus Christ in the cross so that I could just have a relationship with Him, and He wants that relationship to be awesome and to be great.

That is why I want to start all over again. My Christian life is full of mediocrity for the past three years and this time, I decided to give my best because He deserves my best. I want it to be perfect despite my imperfections and weaknesses. I know and believe that it will be my best because it is His grace that will sustain me to be the best. He is my God and He is powerful to turn my mediocrity to my best as I decide to start all over again. Whatever he started in me, He will put it into completion and I know that my God is faithful in His promises.

Praise be to God and let Him shine in my life!!!!

I am weak

I feel so lost. Yes, I am. I do not know what to do, I do not know what to say, I do not know what to write here. It seems my life is collapsing into pieces that I do not know how to make it whole again. It seems I need to solve a puzzle of myself.

I am not perfect, I do things that does not honor God and I hate myself for it. The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. This is exactly me right now. I won’t put into details everything that happened to me these past few days. I hate myself for being so weak and I cannot even tell it to anyone.

I am weak and I have to admit it to everybody. I want someone to see it, I want someone to know my weakness. But it seems that no one knows it or I just appear to be strong in front of everyone else when the very core of my being is fragile and is deteriorating.

I know that writing it here will not solve what I am going through. But I hope that expressing my thoughts will help me find a way for me to decipher everything that is happening in my life. Maybe I need time to reflect and ask God to help me deal this situation. Because maybe my weakness comes from my thirst of Him in my life which I think is my problem. And all I need is to pray and be filled by Him so that I can be okay and be whole again. I hope that when the time comes that I am going to post again, I am no longer lost and broken into pieces, rather I am in His dwelling place and whole again.