I do not have a happy heart right now. Maybe I can manage a fake smile to the people around me, but I cannot deny myself the fact that my
heart is definitely not happy. And I can only think of one factor why I cannot put a
real smile on my face.
Getting up in the morning is so hard for me, I am no longer
motivated to go to work. Maybe because I do not have any reason to live
anymore. Since the day the person I love most doesn’t contact me and doesn’t seem
to care for me, I feel like my entire world is also breaking. I do not care
anymore with my work, with the people around me, with my other relationships;
for all I wanted is just to die.
Yes, you’ve seen it right, I want to vanish in this earth. I
am sorry if I post it here but I just want to be honest with my thoughts and
with my feelings. As much as I want to do it, I cannot do it because I know
that life must go on, with or without the person I love most.
And so, I cried to God for help, I shout for mercy and for
grace so that I can live again. But He still doesn’t give me an answer. He is
so quiet that even I search for Him in all the places that I know where He is,
it seems He keeps Himself away from me. I know that He is a great God and He
will be with me until the end of the days. But I want to hear from Him, I want
to know what I should do.
Because what make me sad and lonely right now is not the
fact that he doesn’t care for me anymore. But the fact that since the day he
decided to not care for me, I do not longer live my life to its fullest, I am
barely breathing and barely living and so it means that I am dying. And all I
want is for God to help me to give back my life and find its meaning despite
everything that happened.
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