I am weak

I feel so lost. Yes, I am. I do not know what to do, I do not know what to say, I do not know what to write here. It seems my life is collapsing into pieces that I do not know how to make it whole again. It seems I need to solve a puzzle of myself.

I am not perfect, I do things that does not honor God and I hate myself for it. The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. This is exactly me right now. I won’t put into details everything that happened to me these past few days. I hate myself for being so weak and I cannot even tell it to anyone.

I am weak and I have to admit it to everybody. I want someone to see it, I want someone to know my weakness. But it seems that no one knows it or I just appear to be strong in front of everyone else when the very core of my being is fragile and is deteriorating.

I know that writing it here will not solve what I am going through. But I hope that expressing my thoughts will help me find a way for me to decipher everything that is happening in my life. Maybe I need time to reflect and ask God to help me deal this situation. Because maybe my weakness comes from my thirst of Him in my life which I think is my problem. And all I need is to pray and be filled by Him so that I can be okay and be whole again. I hope that when the time comes that I am going to post again, I am no longer lost and broken into pieces, rather I am in His dwelling place and whole again.